trainwreck

Trainwreck: Why Journalists Don’t Get the Guy

The truth is awkward. It’s awkward and uncomfortable to hear and even more so, to witness.

I wanted to walk out of the movie theater during the first 30 minutes of Trainwreck. I know what you are going to say. My man, LeBron James was in the film, and I had to wait for his debut. It was only fair.

Since it is all about LeBron, it’s true. He was perfect. He was funny. He was handsome. He was the real, funny friend.

Let’s Talk About Sex and Show How Awkward it Really is:

But I want to take a moment and state how uncomfortable I felt witnessing Amy’s, the main character, one night stands and let’s be honest, some of the most unromantic sex.  I was literally waiting for her to shout, “Get off, get off, get off,” when she asked her partner to talk dirty to her, and the dirtiest thing he could say was “protein shake,” which he is right, is downright disgusting.

Trainwreck was vulgar and sexual. While promoting Trainwreck, the ads, and the write-ups have been raunchy, much like the movie. But when you see it played out, you hear the snoring and the awkward silence in front of you, and you realize how awkward sex really is. But, sex is part of life and what Amy Schumer was saying and doing was relatable to real life. The characters were relatable.

There was no sexy sex in this movie. The guy was an average looking guy, who was kind and helpful. The girl was a mess, but funny and good-looking. It didn’t feel over the top. It just felt like we were a ghost, witnessing those awkward moments that no one wants to admit to.

Write a Cover Story, Get a Man:

Sex talk aside, I found Trainwreck to be funny, but not too funny, and real, but not too real. I laughed (multiple times); I cried (once). The plot was simple. The girl is a writer. She is doing a cover story and falls for the guys she is interviewing. The guy likes a girl and pursues her despite her faults (pot smoking, alcohol, sexual partners). The girl is new to relationships and thinks that an argument is equivalent to a break-up. Girl and guy break-up. Girl writes the story and publishes it. A boy reads the story. The girl makes another grand gesture. Guy and girl are in love and (instantly) get back together. The end.

Feminism in Romantic Comedies

As a writer, I tried this formula in real life. We all want to be the Andie Anderson’s and the Amy’s of the world—the girls who can mess up but use our talents, not our looks mind you, to lure the man back into a relationship with us. Because let’s be real, we are talented and convincing, if not seductive and beautiful. I like this theme.

I like that Trainwreck portrays women as successful and talented. That women can empower themselves in relationships by using their brains and talents, and not a Victoria’s Secret get-up to get the guy. What I appreciated even more about Trainwreck compared to other similar romantic comedies like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, was that she used her cover story to help her build her career as well as her man’s.

Testing the Theory: Is it More Than a Nice Story:

Something was still off. I don’t think you can tell a great story and get the man. So, I did it. I am writing my first book, Blow Me Away: Dating in the Windy City, about my love life in Chicago. There are many chapters, and I am sharing a few snippets on Windy City Cosmo.

In one instance, I dated a guy, who, name and religion aside, I had fallen in love with. But, like all relationships, we broke-up. We had talked about my book. And while we were dating he thought it was weird that I was dating other people. I decided that I liked him and would only date him. When we broke-up, we broke up on good terms, wanting the best for each other. He asked me to send him his chapter.

I sent him his chapter a few weeks later.

Three months later, I heard nothing. Nothing, at all. And then, I got a text.

He liked the story. He still liked me. He missed me.  I’m sitting here, reading his response, waiting for it to start pouring rain so we can meet each other, run into each other’s arms, and he can give me a love fern. Because, of course, it was a great story. We were the stars. It was cute. It had snowball fights, kisses at midnight, and cuddling on the couch. It had romantic dinners and grand gestures, but it also had intellectual conversations and small talk. It had passion, but it had boundaries. It had love and respect.

But, just because you had a great story, does not mean you can write it, send it to him, and expect that he will run into your arms and start the sequel. And while we are speaking of sequels, they are never that good anyways, in real life or the movies.

Oh, You’re My Cheerleader:

It would take more than bad habits to bring us back together. It would take more than a story to bring us back together. It would take us being two entirely different people. I realized this while watching Trainwreck when Amy did a cheerleading sequence at the end. Her boyfriend was talking about cheerleading and how it is a team building sport. Amy was not a cheerleader, but she did a routine, and she did it in her style. She couldn’t do a split or dunk a basketball, but she put forth the effort while at the same time remaining true to who she was. In my situation, to fix us, I would have to be a different nationality and practice a different religion.

Yes, sometimes you find your love and have a great story. You mess-up, but you know that beyond the quirks, you two are perfect for one another. There may be a story and a grand gesture, but those don’t need to be part of the formula in love. What does need to be part of the formula is similar values, chemistry, and most importantly, wanting the same thing—be that marriage, be that kids, be that the key to his apartment.

I am very much the girl who Amy Schumer portrays at the beginning of the movie. The girl who expects that all guys just want sex. It makes me want to—

Well, then, I didn’t even have to say the word. The girl across from me just started projectile vomiting on the train. I went to a different section of the train and the guy across from me is already turning this life event—one that is starting to smell—into a pickup line.

Back to Amy. Amy was not a train wreck. She was doing what she wanted to do until she found something better. She put on the cheerleader costume, and she learned the moves, and she got her guy. She has the blue eyes. The blonde hair and the toned body. The girl can pull off mini skirts and stilettos.

As for me, I am walking home alone. The smell of vomit was really getting to me, and so is this idea that I can convince someone that I am who they want me to be. I and my flats are still walking, and they are fine coming home to Hawaiian Breeze Air Wick freshener, a big bed, and a teddy bear ready to take on 6 a.m. spin class in the morning.

The new story is girl writes stories and continues to write more stories. She still has no man. You can find this through BET’s television show, Being Mary Jane, starring Gabrielle Union. It is both a movie and a television series. Being Mary Jane the movie and the first season is on Netflix. You’re welcome.

As for Trainwreck, it was a good movie. I’m happy for Amy. Just like in real life, I would be sad if she didn’t get the guy.

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