Dating: Please Don't Look at Me Like a Product

Please Don’t Look at Me Like a Product

I see you eyeing me—looking at me like a product on the shelf. You were excited to see something shiny and new. You couldn’t find a price for me, but you knew you wanted to do more than just look. You wanted to touch. You had to touch.

Shopping Around:

So, you put me in your cart. I accepted the offer to ride around the store with you. We are having a good time and then it begins. You start paying attention to my competition. You wonder if you want to go through with checking me out. You find a price scanner. You read my asking price and think that maybe the price I am asking is too much for what you want. You can’t wait to play with me and think the wait and the time it takes to learn the product is too much to ask.

Return Policy:

You look for the return policy. You are interested in taking me for a spin for awhile and seeing how much pleasure you can get from me before you have to send me back. You know that actually committing to a product is too much to ask. You don’t understand the concept, “if you break it, you buy it.”

If that happens, you hide me in a shelf for the store employees to find later to either mark down or deem “damaged.” After all, you are still open to other options. You haven’t decided if you actually want me yet. Different brands, prices, conditions are looking better.

Features and Benefits:

The packaging displays my features and benefits—but you have no real interest. You will never fully appreciate me and all of my features because to you I only serve one purpose.

If I were excel, you wouldn’t know that I could create pivot tables, categorize your columns, and auto sum cells with one click. If I were a smart phone you would just use me for phone calls. Figuring out how to purchase apps doesn’t interest you. To you, I only have one function that you are interested in.

Because you don’t explore me, I feel like you take me for granted. You don’t understand my full potential and you will never appreciate me the way I want you to.

Handle with Care:

I have labels. If you dared to read the manual you would know what you were getting yourself into. However, you only want to see what you can get out of me, not what I can offer if you simply handle with care. Doing things the proper way takes too much effort and is not as fun.

Generic:

I am more expensive because you usually get the generic brand or the lowest quality. While something original can be copied and made to appear generic, something generic can not be made original. I am original. I am the Mona Lisa of this product.

Complete Satisfaction Guaranteed:

I don’t want to put you through the hassle of returning me.  I am not a toy and I am too mature for your age group. Please proceed to the next aisle because I cannot guarantee complete satisfaction or your money back.

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