You might have recently hit a wall. Bachelor in Paradise is crazy. It’s mainly crazy because this all happens in real life, but yet everyone is shocked when they see it played out in front of their eyes. In real life, however, people don’t see it happening. For example, you go out with a guy on Monday night. He starts talking to another girl on Tuesday night. At the same time, he is still talking to you. Do you see how that works? On Bachelor in Paradise, you go out with a guy one night. Three days later, a new guys asks you to go on a date. You say “yes,” and then everyone in Paradise gasps.
Joe is the Villain:
Samantha is a controversial character on Bachelor in Paradise. She communicated with a few of the contestants prior to the show. This caused drama because guys, namely Joe, who she talked to wanted to stay in Paradise until she came.
How did Joe do this? Joe went on a date with Juelia, who happened to really like him. She felt a connection with him and he validated that connection to Juelia and to other people on the island who had questioned his intentions. It turns out that Joe didn’t like Juelia, but simply did whatever it took to go on a date with Samantha. Samantha entered Paradise the following week. Samantha and Joe went on a date and immediately became attached. In the process, another guy asked Samantha on a date. She had also texted this guy prior to the show. She decided to turn down the date.
However, a few days later, on Joe’s birthday, she decided to break things off with Joe because of the drama. The drama being that everyone LOVES Juelia, and he messed with the wrong girl.
I think Joe is wrong.
First of all, you should never feel coerced into a date or a relationship. Joe likes Samantha so much that he keeps questioning how he can date someone as pretty as her. But he also tries to blackmail her into staying with him. He felt that she led him on, and then she dumped him for no reason. He feels that she never really did have feelings for him. This led to vengeance. He says that he has the text messages.
To break it down, girl and guy agree to go on a date. Girl and guy go the date. They like each other. Guy becomes too clingy and is the source of drama because of how he handled a situation. Girl is no longer interested and ends things (on his birthday).
Amazing First Dates:
I am going to pause and take a minute to discuss real life situations. I have been on first days where I felt amazing. And the guy never spoke to me again. I have also been on first dates that were amazing, and then we had an amazing second date, and then the guy never spoke to me again. I have also been on first days that were amazing, and then I realized on the second and third dates that we were forming more of a friendship than a romantic relationship. (Side note: I have also been on dates that weren’t amazing.)
The fact is that it’s part of dating. You are initially attracted to someone and then realize that it isn’t going to work or you don’t feel the connection. It’s hard to admit it and most people don’t. They decide to ghost, which means that you will text them and they won’t text back. Or you will text them and they autotext you with pleasantries, hoping that the concise, straightforward answers will lead to no further communication. I mean, really.
Will You Be My Girlfriend?
Commitment isn’t part of dating. You saw it. Jade and Tanner have liked each other since the beginning of the show, and then on a date this week, Tanner was nervous to ask Jade to be his girlfriend. His GIRLFRIEND. This is when you start throwing chocolates at the screen. It felt like he was asking Jade to marry him. But honestly, before this discussion, Jade and Tanner had no level of commitment to one another.
No one wants to feel trapped. You have to check-in all along the way. Even Carly and Kirk, who hit it off from the beginning of Bachelor in Paradise as well, had to have the discussion and realize if they both wanted the same things. That is the tricky part about dating. It may feel good. It may feel that it is going somewhere, but all those conversations and dates and feelings may be severed in an instant.
On this show, it’s like school or work where you have to see the person again, so you try to be a bit civil and have a discussion.
A Text Message Doesn’t Validate a Connection:
But, Samantha owes Joe nothing. He reiterates that they spoke previously and Samantha turns around and responds with,
“You can have a great text message conversation with somebody, but you don’t know what’s going to happen in real life.”
I don’t think it’s wrong to talk to guys prior to a show of this nature. At this point, no one has divulged the exact conversations Joe and Samantha had. If they wanted to date and form a relationship, they didn’t have to wait until Paradise to do it. Also, just because you go on a date, does not mean you are in love or obligated to stay with someone. It simply means that everything looks good and you would like to explore further.
Samantha explored a connection with Joe. She discovered that she did not reciprocate the same feelings. She politely spoke with Joe about it. Now, next week on Bachelor in Paradise, she has said “yes” to a date with the new guy, Justin.
Samantha is shady. She is. She is very careful about how she portrays herself. She ruins a friendship with Juelia. She denies taking responsibility for her actions. But, in terms of ending her relationship with Joe and exploring other options, I think she’s fine. She’s single. She can talk to whomever she wants. Yes, she can text, autotext, call, date any guy who she wants to.
Samantha Owes Joe Nothing:
Joe feels Samantha owes him something. She doesn’t. Everyone in Paradise also thinks it is a bad idea for Samantha to go on a date with a new guy. I don’t. I say explore your options until you find the person you want to be with. That’s what going to Paradise is about. That’s what dating is about. While it is important to make friends and be nice and think of other people’s feelings, you should also feel comfortable stating your feelings. If you aren’t feeling it, it should be okay and normal to break things off and move on, even if that person is going to cry every 3 hours (see Ashley I. and Jared).