I don’t know what to call this relationships, but he feels like my husband. I feel like we’re married. We’re not even in a relationship. We’re just friends who call each other almost every day – sometimes once a week. He knows what I’m making for dinner. I tell him I’m throwing a Ramen dinner party and he tells me, “That has a lot of carbs.” He knows how I feel about my ex. How many guys have tried to hook up with me. He sends me book recommendations. He sends me presents – that the mail person never delivers.
We talk about our dreams and our fears. He FaceTimes me, and I say “hello” to his father.
This has been going on for awhile.
And, it feels like he’s my husband – or what I imagine my husband to be like. Well, I hope my husband is in the same room as me – but he never is. Other than that, there’s a raw honesty in our conversations.
We’ve met and hung out, but it isn’t the same as our phone conversations, which usually happen at off hours after a run or a date.
We’ve had breaks. I’ve traveled and he’s traveled. We stopped talking for months – but when we start talking together – I don’t know how to describe it.
I feel like this is all I’m going to get in life – a virtual connection. No one to hug and kiss me after a long day. No one to make dinner with or travel with. And I can’t write that this is settling. We don’t even think of each other romantically – and have never slept together. But we both love each other and want the best for each other.
Seriously – what is this? I can’t say that we’re just friends. Because he’s so much more than a friend to me.