Saying “Hi” and “Hey” on Bumble (Tinder, OkCupid, Match, eHarmony, Hinge, etc.) is one of the worst ways to start a conversation.
Just kidding, we all do it. I mean sometimes swiping is like liking photos on Instagram – it could be more muscle memory than interest. Sorry, not sorry. And that shirtless, distant photo of you with the empty profile to match isn’t really telling us if you’re a bot or a boy.
The bottom line is that being interested in someone takes effort and in the case of women on Bumble, courage because we have to make the first move.
Everyone has their own approach to making a move. Some share a gif. Some just say “you’re cute.” But, some of us take a different approach. A no B.S. approach, if you will.
Do You Want to Hook-Up?
Basically, we need to know if you are you a f*ck boy or if you’re looking for something more serious. I mean, we all want a cuddle buddy and a dinner date every now and again. But we also need a little substance or hope (even on dating apps).
We ask the hard questions. I know, men have said that sometimes the things that women ask on dating apps sound like an interrogation. But, it’s really just because you didn’t fill out your profile and I need to see more than a shirtless pic to go out with you.
So, when a guy does get asked the hard questions – those interview type questions where they don’t really know what to say. Well, here’s what I’ve uncovered about what women really want to hear when we message Mr. Hedge Fund on Bumble?
Everything a Girl Wants to Hear on Bumble When She Asks These Questions:
Girl: What are you looking for?
Answer: A relationship (Marriage/commitment/don’t like other girl’s Instagram pics).
Ok, this is tricky. There’s a guy on Reddit who says he uses the line “meeting new people and seeing what happens,” but he always gets unmatched.
Most guys answer the question a few different ways. I get that we both don’t know each other. So, honestly, we might just be friends or hookup or have a relationship.
When women say, “I’m looking for a relationship,” – it doesn’t mean that it’s going to be with you – that’s just their intention.
Girl: Do you Netflix and Chill?
Answer: I don’t know what Netflix is.
Girl: How tall are you?
Answer: 6 ft something. (Other versions i.e. tall enough to lift you off your feet really just tells us you’re hiding something).
But, honestly, honesty. If you’re really 5’10” and say you’re 6 ft, it’s just not nice.
Girl: When was your last relationship?
Answer: 2 years ago. (Anything along the lines of just got out of a relationship = rebound).
This is the one question where you should be honest. Very few people are. And it’s also a question that leads to a lot of judgement. So, I can see why people are not honest.
Some of us have never been in a relationship.
Some of us have never been in a relationship, but went out with someone the night before.
Some guys have been in long term relationships (like 5 years) and some have been basically married (11 years).
The key here is to find someone who is on the same page. Does “single” mean hooking up with people? Does dating mean that you are only seeing each other? What does cheating mean to you?
Everyone has different expectations and experiences with dating. The relationship question is loaded and convoluted.
Girl: Do you think this will go anywhere?
Answer: It could if you join me for dinner at 8 on Friday night.
No one knows if one swipe will lead to finding the one. It’s happened for some. But, a relationship takes time to build. Start with finding someone you like hanging out with and talking to.
Flirty and playful. If you don’t like the tone of the conversation, change it.
Ever since recording my relationship podcast, Ok Cool, I’ve become obsessed with a few dating coaches/relationship experts. My absolute favorite dating coach is Matthew Hussey – let’s just say he has a monthly column in Cosmopolitan magazine and wrote the New York Times Bestseller “Get The Guy.” He has a few tips on how to respond to men on dating apps/texting and how to get a relationship.
The thing is that people are very quick to unmatch. And saying the wrong thing early on can be detrimental. My best advice is to keep it light via text and on dating apps and get to know someone in person – or on the phone.
Amanda Elliott is a writer and speaker and a relationship builder. She believes that meeting people in person is important. After attending numerous fashion, startup, and creative events, she founded Windy City Cosmo is 2015 to help people make connections in the city as they build their businesses, start and end relationships and see and be seen. Over the past three years, the entrepreneurs she’s interviewed have become the most successful in Chicago and Windy City Cosmo won an award in 2017 for her work for female entrepreneurs.